Episode Rewrites
by blindhobos
Summary: A crack interpretation of what we would have liked to have seen in Avatar as far as romance goes in this somewhat of a parody story. It includes Zutara/Taang, crack characters, and makeshift weapons. Nobody is safe anymore.
1. The Fortuneteller Rewrite

**Welcome to the wonderful world of Episode Rewrites where two crack characters, created for the sole purpose of you (the readers) amusement embark on a journey to make sure that they're favorite pairings are rewritten as canon in the Avatar universe. If you have any questions about them, see the last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: No, we don't own Avatar, or any of the Avatar Characters. We do, however, own Lexi, Avirey, and Chito. No stealing them, please.**

**Warnings: Aunt Wu and Meng fans may find their favorite characters in an...er...sticky situation.**

* * *

Lexi looked at the sign staked in the front yard of the building the three kids they had been…er…trailing disappear into. _Aunt Wu's Fortune Telling_ it read triumphantly. "This is going to be good," she decided. Her eyes turned to Avery; who was arguing with a man at a fruit stand.

"You're suuuure you don't have any bananas?" she was asking, "Because when Chito doesn't have his bananas, Chito gets upset. And when Chito gets upset; _people die_!" Chito was standing at Avery's feet; and if the fruit stand man could have seen the little animal then Avery's threat wouldn't have been so…threatening.

"No! I'm suuuure we don't have—did you say, people die?" The man in the strange hat scratched his head and blinked in surprise, "I'll just double check that for you." He ducked down in his fruit stand and began rooting through crates of food.

"Avery!" Lexi hissed, grabbing Avery by the arm and dragging her away. Chito mewed and hopped after them. Lexi pointed fiercely at the sign in the grass and said dramatically, "They're going to have their fortunes told!" Avery looked over her shoulder at a pair of woman in vividly colored kimonos walked by.

"I've got an idea!" she told Lexi.

* * *

"What do you see?" Lexi whispered to her friend who was sitting on her shoulders.

"She's still talking to that lady—wow, she must have told her everything about her future by know; except maybe what she'll be having for dinner a week from Friday." Lexi—who suddenly felt weighed down by the amount of clothes she was wearing—stumbled backwards. Avery flailed her arms to catch her balance but this just made Lexi lose hers and the two girls wound up in a heap on the floor.

"Who knew that you'd need to put on so many different clothes just to look like a psychic person," Avery said, trying to readjust her mysterious looking hood so that her face was not visible.

"Who knew that you'd have to tie up so many people just to get it all," Lexi added, adjusting her own outfit. The girls had to steal the 'disguises' they were now wearing from the two kimono wearing girls, a few gypsies, a circus performer, a chef, a chimney sweep, a couple of dancers, a robber, and a cross dresser.

The room next door suddenly erupted in Chito's mewing. "That's the signal!" Lexi announced, forcing herself to her feet and rushing to open the door that separated the two rooms—but only just a crack.

"Hello there, little one," Aunt Wu, the fortune teller, was saying to little Chito. Chito—being the obedient animal that he was—had followed his instructions to hide in the room until Aunt Wu's guest was gone, then come out and begin meowing like crazy. The plan was working perfectly.

The only thing that Lexi regretted was that they'd left all their socks, stakes, and other 'tools' back at camp and wasted all their bubble gum tying up the owners of the very clothes they were wearing now, so they had to improvise. But of course, they'd managed to come across a lamp shade and some crazy glue in the closet that they were hiding in, and that would do the job just fine.

Avery came and stood next to Lexi, the lamp shade in her hands and handed Lexi the bottle of crazy glue which Lexi carefully stashed in her pocket until the moment was right. "What are you doing in here?" Aunt Wu said to Chito, and her back to the two girls. Lexi took a tentative step out of their hiding place and Avery followed. When Aunt Wu was too busy talking to Chito and didn't notice the girls; they advanced.

They were mere steps away when Chito noticed them. He seemed to have forgotten about the plan as he began happily prancing past the fortune teller to where the two girls were stationed. Aunt Wu followed him with her gaze, and gasped when she saw the two cloaked people standing silently behind her; one holding a lamp shade and the other a bottle of crazy glue. "Who are you?" she asked, stepping backwards. This was a minor setback. The woman and the two girls stared at each other wordlessly for a long time. Finally Lexi looked at her friend and nodded.

Avery sprang forward and sunk the lampshade down on the fortune teller's head. Lexi uncapped her bottle of crazy glue and squeezed it until the white sticky substance coated the woman's arms, legs, and back. "What's going on?" she cried, thrashing around but unable to see anything because of the lampshade obstructing her vision. She wasn't the strongest person in the world and with both Lexi and Avery pulling her they were able to take Aunt Wu into the closet almost effortlessly. She was still flapping her arms like a chicken when the girls stuck her to the closet wall. "Help!" she cried.

"That could be a problem," Lexi commented, referring to the fact that the fortune teller could still talk, despite the lampshade on her head.

"I've got it covered," Avery said slyly. She waded through her clothing until she reached the pocket she was searching for. Then she whipped out a flip-flop.

"Nice," Lexi approved as they placed it in her mouth, so she could no longer talk.

* * *

"I hope you don't mind that I came back here; but we've been waiting for a long time and I just wanted to see if you were ready," Katara was standing at the doorway of the 'fortune teller room'. Sitting on a cushion was a figure that wasn't quite visible in the darkness. "Come in," another figure-this one standing in the shadows-said. Katara looked confusedly from one figure to another. She didn't realize that the figure that was sitting down was actually Lexi and the one in the shadows was actually Avery.

"If you're Aunt Wu; then who are you?" she asked, pointing to Avery when she came to the 'who are you?' part.

"I'm—I'm—I'm Aunt Wu's assistant," Avery declared. Behind Katara's back; Lexi shot her friend a thumbs up.

"But, we just met Aunt Wu's assistant outside—and she wasn't as tall as you," Katara responded.

"You did?" Lexi shook her head—probably to buy her time as she thought of what she was going to say next, "What did she look like?"

"Young girl, pink kimono, missing a tooth, wild hair—"

"Ah, yes. That little girl is crazy. She's a former escapee of the funny farm. She likes to pretend she's different people—sometimes she's my assistant. Sometimes she's a hobo. Either way, I've been meaning to call security on her sooner or later."

"I see," Katara looked uncomfortable, "So—are you going to read my fortune?"

"Oh yeah—I mean; of course I'm going to read your fortune. Come sit down." As Katara walked over, there was suddenly a sound from the closet. It sounded like someone screaming but their voice was muffled by something.

"What was that?" Katara looked startled.

"Nothing to worry about," said Lexi through gritted teeth, "It's probably just my—uh—grandson,"

"Why is your grandson in the closet?"

"He's eating Doritos," Lexi affirmed, catching the curious expression in Katara's eyes, she added, "You see, he's on a special diet. He isn't allowed to eat Doritos—or chips of any kind. So he hides in the closet and eats them—apparently if no one sees him eat them then the calories don't count."

"Why is he screaming?"

"The guilt is finally getting to him," Lexi shrugged, "Hey, _Assistant_, please go check on my grandson and make sure that he is alright." Avery saluted Lexi and dashed into the closet. Lexi saw that she was clutching the second flip-flop of the pair in her hand—just in case. Then she turned back to Katara who was staring interestedly at her.

"So, what are Doritos?" she said dreamily.

"Don't ask questions! Aunt Lexi—I mean Aunt Wu is a very busy lady! I have many other clients who are waiting to have their fortunes read; but I suppose that we could sit around and talk about my personal life instead..."

"Fortune please." Katara put in.

"I thought so. Now, um," Lexi's eyes flickered to the burning fire, wondering what to do. She was no fortune teller—and perhaps it would have been smart to actually pay attention to what Aunt Wu was doing before when she told the young woman her fortune—instead of just longing for it to end.

"What do I need to do?" Katara asked eagerly. Lexi's eyes rested on an urn filled with bones which surely had something to do with fortune telling. No; what would bones have to do with fortune telling? She seemed to recall something about crystal balls…

"Gaze deep into the crystal…ball," Lexi pulled a tiny rhinestone off of the shawl she'd stolen from a dancer. It was horribly small; not even a centimeter long. Lexi set it down gingerly on the urn; after she knocked the basket full of bones forcefully onto the floor. "Gaze deep inside and I will reveal your future." Katara did as she was told and stared intensely at the lavender fake-crystal. At that exact moment Avery walked out of the closet.

"You're _grandson_ is doing fine." Avery winked and Lexi took note of the fact that she was no longer holding the second flip-flop. Then, she turned back to her make-shift crystal ball. She stared at it for a long time, contorting her face into different expressions that caused Katara to give her anxious looks.

"Oh, my. How intriguing," she looked up, plastering a fascinated look on her face, "this is really quite interesting."

"What do you see?"

"You—you are going to have a change of heart."

"A…change of heart?" she sounded engrossed.

"Yes. This will lead to a relationship—possibly marriage—with someone you always thought to be an enemy. Of course, however, first he will reveal himself to not be as bad as you always thought," Lexi didn't think she could be any blunter with her prediction.

"Huh," Katara said thoughtfully.

"Wait a minute—I'm getting another premonition—wow this one is powerful!" Katara was leaning forward in her seat in anticipation. Lexi tried to over dramatize her so called 'fortune teller vision' before she looked up solemnly. "He is taller than you. Right now, he is taller than you and he shall always be taller. You will _not_ marry someone shorter than you. You may like someone shorter than you at the moment; but I assure you; in the near future you will be thinking of him as a Shawty." Lexi glanced at the crystal ball. "The end."

"Thank you, so much for your prediction Aunt Wu," Katara said gratefully.

"Anytime. You have yet to find a time when one of my predictions has not come true," Lexi paused for a spooky emphasis. Then, suddenly, a thought struck her. "By the way, I'm taking some new medication—so if I happen to see you again I probably will not remember meeting or having this conversation with you," Lexi said hastily.

"What?" Katara asked, but Avery pushed her out the door and slammed it shut behind her.

"That was close!" Avery sighed, leaning up against the door and throwing off her cloak.

"Way close," Lexi agreed, taking off her own cloak. The girls had almost completely taken off their disguises when suddenly, the door opened unexpectedly. A short girl in a pink kimono with a missing tooth and wild hair was standing there. Lexi recognized her from Katara's description.

"How did you get in here?" the girl asked after a minute of staring at them in shock.

"Sorry, but there must be no witnesses." A moment later, she found herself crazy glued to the wall next to Aunt Wu.

* * *

**Authors Note: (Extra Scene)**

**"Guess what! I found a banana-" the fruit stand guy looked up, an overripe banana in his hand, but the girl who had been standing there just minutes ago was gone. He tried to shrug it off but the memory of what she said to him kept playing in his head.**

**"Because when Chito doesn't have his bananas, Chito gets upset. And when Chito gets upset; **_**people die**_**!"**

**Just in case, that night, he kept a baseball bat by his bed.**


	2. Bato of the Water Tribe Ending Rewrite

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Avatar, or any of the Avatar Characters. I do, however, own Lexi, Avirey, and Chito. No stealing them, please.**

**Warnings: No warnings this time. Just because this chapter rocks.**

* * *

Lexi raised her slingshot up, adjusted the rubber band that was pulled back almost as far as it would reach, and closed her right eye to aim. Avery, hiding in the bush next to her, was doing the exact same thing with a slingshot of her own.

The target was a large flying bison, hovering in the air. It was a good distance away at the moment, but was rapidly approaching and about to fly directly beside the hilltop that Lexi and Avery were hiding on.

Avery tapped Lexi, and handed her a tiny rock; no bigger than a fingernail and perfectly rounded. "Ammo," Avery explained. Lexi nodded and positioned her ammo in place so when she released the slingshot band it would be launched.

She looked up to see Appa (they'd gathered from multiple sources that the bison's name was Appa) almost directly out in front of them—just slightly to the left. Onboard, Aang was handing something to Katara. It appeared to be her necklace and she was overjoyed to receive it.

Lexi managed to block out the Kataang-happy line that came next, but her ears suddenly perked up when she heard Katara declare, "Oh, that's so sweet of Zuko," Lexi could tell she wasn't sincere; but still, it was amazing to hear her say such a thing, "Would you give him a kiss for me when you see him?" Lexi's happiness shattered.

"Fire!" she cried. Avery let go of her rubber band at the exact same moment Lexi did. Their ammo went flying.

Lexi's pebble rammed into the corner of Katara's mouth while Avery's caught Aang squarely in the nose. "What was that?" Katara asked, forgetting her kiss and rubbing her mouth tenderly. Aang shrugged and began stroking his nose where he'd been hit. "Did you say you wanted me to give Zuko something?" he asked hopefully. Lexi and Avery groaned.

"Oh, yeah…" Katara smiled and leaned forward.

"Fire two!" Avery yelled. Lexi snapped the rubber band back and launched a second rock; this one a little bigger. Avery's hit Katara in the eyebrow; causing her to jump backwards and away from Aang. Lexi's, on the other hand, was misaimed and smacked Sokka in the back of his head. Sokka immediately jumped up and struck a karate pose. "We're being ambushed!" he shrieked. Katara was pressing her hand against her head where she'd been hit.

"Katara, are you okay?" Aang asked. Katara didn't answer. "Let me look at that," Aang suggested, leaning closer…closer…dangerously close!

"Fire three!" Lexi announced. Both she and Avery launched two more rocks, which rained down on Aang and Katara. "Where. Are. All. These. Rocks. Coming. From?" Aang gasped. Katara looked away, and Sokka just shrugged.

"Maybe it's a sign," he suggested in all his wisdomy glory.

"A sign? Of what?" There was a pause.

"You two shouldn't be sitting together. Aang, you go sit waaay up there and Katara, go sit waaay down there."

"Fine by me," Katara agreed, moving as far away from Aang as possible, still holding her head.

"But—" Aang began to protest, but was unexpectedly hit by a series of flying rocks that came out of nowhere. "Okay! Okay!" he called, diving to the front of the saddle. Sokka was left sitting in the middle all alone. He leaned back and rested his head on his folded arms.

"Sometimes, I'm so smart that I amaz—" but he was suddenly cut short by an extremely large flying rock that connected with his temple. His body instantly slumped forward and the guilty rock tumbled somewhere into his lap. The rock had a note tied to it; and if Sokka was conscious at the moment, he could have read that it said, "Zutara and Taang 4ever!"

* * *

**Authors Note: (Scene Epilouge)**

**"Nice shot; and amazing note! But I thought that we were aiming for one of them—" Lexi told Avery. Avery raised her hands up in a surrendering way.**

**"Don't look at me; I didn't shoot that rock," Avery admitted.**

**"Well, neither did I," Lexi scratched her head as she pondered the thought, "Well if it wasn't you and it wasn't me…" Both girls thought for a minute; and then an 'I got it!' expression appeared on their faces. They turned to look just behind them, where Lexi's pet Chito was sitting next to a slingshot five times bigger than either of theirs. "Mew?"**


	3. The Cave of Two Lovers Rewrite

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Avatar, or any of the Avatar Characters. I do, however, own Lexi, Avery, and Chito. No stealing them, please.**

**Warnings: After talking about Kataang too much, Aang is forced to...put a sock in it.**

* * *

"Hurry up, Avery! They went in here!" Lexi called over her shoulder as she forced her way through the thick sea of bushes. Her friend Avery was lagging quite a ways behind her, as she pulled along a big canvas sack.

"I'm. Trying. Lexi, what do you have in here?" Avery complained.

"It's all part of the plan." Lexi assured her, but didn't directly answer the question. Lexi half turned away to look at the mouth of the large cave—and as she did so she noticed that Avery was untying the back to glance inside.

"Are you serious?" she cried a minute later, quickly tying the bag back up again. Lexi grinned as she waited briefly for Avery to catch up. A moment later, they were standing side by side in front of the cave entrance. "Got the stick?" Lexi confirmed. No wonder it had taken Avery so long to catch up—not only had Lexi made her carry the bag but a giant wooden stake, too. Avery gave her a wary look.

"I don't know what you're up to—but I've got the stick right here."

"Excellent," Lexi breathed before she descended into the darkness. She could feel Avery close behind her—and could even hear the faint breath of the person inside the bag.

"How are we going to find them in—?"

"How are we going to find our way out of these tunnels?" Aang's voice asked out of nowhere. Lexi gave Avery a smug, I-told-you-so look, which obviously, Avery didn't see in the dark.

"I have a crazy idea," a voice—that Lexi decided belonged to Katara—responded. Lexi reached over and grabbed Avery's sleeve. They had to act fast; before they were too late.

"Prepare the boy," Lexi murmured so softly that Avery barely heard. Avery obeyed obediently; she dropped the canvas bag on the ground, whipped it opened so forcefully that she tore it slightly, and yanked out the poor prince that was inside.

"He's unconscious!" Avery gasped, trying to make him stand up, "What did you do, Lexi?"

"Oh, just clubbed him once—twice tops!" Lexi replied as if it were nothing. Zuko swayed dangerously, and both Lexi and Avery had to catch him when he suddenly fell over.

"He's heavy!" both girls complained.

"I didn't realize it was such a horrible option! I'm sorry I suggested it!" Katara's shrieking voice rang out like a gunshot through the giant cave. They must have missed a large gap in the conversation—but Lexi had to admit that she was happy that they were yelling instead of being all sweet and sincere.

"No, no! I mean, if there was a choice between kissing you and dying…" Maybe poor Aang didn't even need their help. He was floundering pretty badly on his own. But the girls would take no chances.

"C'mon, Avery. We've got to go this way," Lexi whispered. Both of them began dragging the now half unconscious prince across the dirt floor. '_If its dark enough, then neither of them will be able to tell that we'll be standing in-between them and—_' Lexi suddenly was horrified to see a light glimmering in the distance. Aang was holding it, and the orange light was just barely bright enough so that the girls could glimpse Katara standing at a reasonable distance from him.

"The light has got to go," Avery growled. Lexi nodded, pulling her friend backwards to ensure that they weren't being illuminated in the darkness.

"Wh—whatsuh goi'g onnh?" moaned the voice of the prince; and it was so unexpected that the two girls dropped him with a scream.

"Did you hear something?" Aang asked.

"No!" Katara shouted coldly. The boy shrugged sadly.

"I think we're going to run out of light," he said after a long pause. Lexi and Avery grabbed Zuko's arms and dragged him up off the ground.

"What are we going to do?" Katara sounded less hostile now and the dying light made it possible for Lexi, Avery, and the half unconscious prince to move forward.

"What can we do?" The light was nearly dead; and the boy and girl were standing a good few feet away from each other as they leaned forward, giving the girls the perfect opportunity.

Lexi raced between them, adjusted the prince so he was in perfect place in front of Katara as she leaned forward, expecting to kiss Aang.

Then Lexi quickly jumped back, leaving Avery to make sure he didn't collapse again. Lexi had one more thing she had to take care of; quickly! She reached out and grabbed Aang, covering her mouth with the palm of her hand. He seemed shocked.

Lexi located a tube sock in her right pocket, which she used to tie around his mouth. Then, she turned around and skipped away with him in tow, happy that they had successfully replaced the Kataang moment with a good wholesome Zutara one instead.

"You?" Sokka cried, Zuko who was standing right next to his little sister just outside the back entrance of the cave. Zuko and Katara, much to their amazement, had managed to stumble their way to safety. It was only when they were out of the darkness that they actually realized they were together...and that they had just kiss.

Sokka just stood there, still on top of the giant badger, with his mouth hanging opened. Katara and Zuko weren't faring much better.

But the good news was that combined with the heavy bout of embarassment he was suffering, and the fact that he was recovering from one (or two) blows to the head, Zuko hardly seemed concerned with finding the Avatar.

Katara ran over to Sokka instantly, but at least she wasn't behaving hostilly towards her enemy. As imperfect as the result was, in the end their behavior signified success.

"You let love lead the way, Katara? He's the enemy!" Sokka cried. Katara went red and refused to look over her shoulder. Zuko mumbled something incoherent. "And what happened to Aang?" he added. Ever since the light had gone out, Aang had just disappeared.

Suddenly, the cave wall ripped opened, sending dust and sharp pointy fragments of rock flying everywhere. By the time the dust had cleared, there were three figures standing in a giant hole in the cave wall. Well, two of them were standing, with an end of a thick stick resting on their shoulders. The third figure was bound to the stick by coils of loose rope. Upon seeing Sokka, Katara, and Zuko all together, he started talking immediately, but the sound of his voice was impossible to decipher since there was a sweat sock tied around his mouth.

"Aang?" Sokka asked. The two girls holding him were dressed completely in black garbs, and since they had large black hoods on as well, there faces were hidden in shadows. They immediately dropped the boy on the stick and disappeared. The only thing they left was a tiny note, taped to Aang's forehead. It read, "Zutara RULEZ!"


	4. Serpents Pass Rewrite Lexi Version

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Avatar, or any of the Avatar Characters. I do, however, own Lexi, Avirey, and Chito. No stealing them, please.**

**Warnings: On the slippery slope to a new ship.**

**UPDATE! Now with a brand new ending!**

* * *

Lexi looked up bitterly from her cup of coffee she'd been drinking. From inside her secret base (hidden tent. Whatever) she could see that Katara had just walked out of her own tent to join Aang on cliff.

Avery was traveling with the rest of the gang undercover, but even though it'd seemed like a good idea at the time it meant that Lexi was left to lag behind with no one for company but Chito. Chito wasn't the best when it came to conversation.

Lexi turned her gaze to Chito who was gnawing at a half-peeled banana. Avery had obviously not noticed since she was nowhere to be seen. "I guess it's up to us then," Lexi declared airily. Chito looked up as Lexi slipped stealthily outside. Chito followed obediently, the banana still in his mouth.

Lexi dashed behind a pile of rocks immediately after she caught site of Aang and Katara standing under a tree. Chito waddled over at a painfully slow pace. "Mew!" he cried when he finally came over.

"Shh!" Lexi shushed him. She was trying to listen to the conversation, as hard as it was to hear since she was stationed so far away.

"I thought I was trying to be strong…running away…my feelings…family…" was all Lexi could here Aang saying.

"Mew!" Chito said again. He had finished his banana that he'd been chewing on; and had the peel clamped between his pointy teeth. Lexi rolled her eyes, annoyed.

"What do you want me to do with it? Throw it away!" she said sternly. Chito looked at her for a second with his big round animal eyes before he tossed the banana peel with incredible force over his shoulder. Lexi stared at it in awe as it landed, unnoticed, between Aang and Katara.

And just then, when the two of them lunged forward to hug each other, Aang stepped onto the peel. His foot flew out from under him and he jerked forwards. His and Katara's heads collided at the forehead, creating a sickening crack. Lexi flinched as if she was in pain too, even though she was grinning.

Both of the kids fell over backwards and landed painfully on the rocky ground as the banana peel tumbled through the air and dived off the cliff into the water below.

"Ow," Katara moaned. "What did you do that for?"

"I—I slipped on something—I think it was a banana peel!" Aang countered, sitting up with his hand pressed to his head. Katara glanced around, but failed to see anything that even remotley resembled banana peel. In fact, there was literally nothing on the ground where Aang had claimed he'd slipped on something. Lexi smirked in the background.

"I don't see a banana peel," Katara looked straight up, and it didn't take a genious to tell that she was irritated, "Where would a banana even come from? I haven't seen a banana in weeks." She was examining the branches of the tree to further her point. Lexi looked excitedly at Chito, wondering if there was any way that this day could turn out better. Holy rusted metal, Batman! She had something stashed in her tent that could make it _ten times _better!

"I'm positive that it was a banana peel. Why would I lie to you, Katara?"

"If you didn't want to hug me, you should have just said so," she told him darkly.

"But, I—" But before he could say another word someone emerged from behind the rocks that neither teen was expecting. A crude looking Zuko. He looked as if he hadn't showered in days and was in need of a good shave; all over his body. And that included on his clothes. "Zuko!" Katara breathed in shock. She looked like she didn't know whether to attack or to run or maybe (Lexi hoped) to hug him.

But in reality, it wasn't Zuko at all. It was Lexi in a Zuko costume. "What are you doing here, Zuko?" Katara asked defensively. She struck a waterbending pose.

"Well I...ahem!" Lexi coughed as she realized that her high, feminine voice just wasn't going to cut it. She tried something a little deeper. "Well I was just standing behind this rock here and saw what happened and wanted to say; You, Aang, are such a jerk for doing that to Katara. She deserves someone much better, who will not fake slipping on non-existent fruit just to get out of CASUAL contact. That's all a hug is, by the way. That's all. Okay. Bye."

And Lexi darted back behind the rock.

Of course Katara and Aang instantly made a move to follower her, and she anticipated that. She snatched Chito and booked her way down the beaten path until she was absolutely positive that they were no longer following her. Only then was she safe to take off her costume and give a congratulatory look to her animal friend.

"Good boy, Chito!" she exclaimed ecstatically, "Way to be a Zutara fan!"


	5. Serpent Pass Rewrite Avery Version

**Serpent's Pass Rewrite (Avery's Version)**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Avatar….blah blah blah. But we own Chito, Lexi, and Avery. No stealing allowed.**

**Warning: Sokka fans may not be pleased. Fans of Mole People from the Underground City will be delighted.**

* * *

While Lexi was busy ruining a Kataang moment, Avery had one mission she _had _to complete.

"Please change your child's name to Bob the Hobo!" she pleaded to the happy new parents inside the rock tent.

They gave her an odd look and said, once again, said, "No, her name is Hope."

"But Hope is a Hobo too!" Avery whined, "It wouldn't hurt to change it to Bob!"

"But our child is a girl."

"How about Bobette then?" she suggested.

"No." They gave her a look that said, "We're calling the Funny Farm." and ignored her.

Avery sighed and looked up to see Toph and Sokka enter the tent, then sit on the rock bench. They were sitting close to each other, too close for Avery to allow. _Great, now I have to ruin a Tokka moment AND convince these parents. Don't I ever get a day off? _

Avery growled, deciding that Bob could wait; she couldn't just sit here and let this Tokka moment fly by unscathed. She would be breaking her oath to stop Tokka whenever and wherever possible if she didn't!

"My friends!" she squealed, squeezing herself between the two. "My buddies! My pals that don't go together!"

They both looked annoyed, and Avery couldn't leave the Non-Tokka moment at just that. She made up her mind and decided to replace it with a Taang moment instead of just leaving it loose. But she needed to get rid of Ponytail…

"Hey Sokka, can I talk to you?" Avery asked. Sokka shrugged and followed her onto a small hill far away from the campsite.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Oh nothing, just…." She violently shoved him onto a tree and tied him to it with bubble gum. She stopped him from talking by sticking a flip-flop in his mouth and hurried away.

_Ok, now all I have to do is find Baldy. _She thought as she headed down the hill.

A gust of wind speeding by her ruffled Avery's hair and she looked up to see a disheveled looking Zuko sprinting down the path. She was confused to say the least by the time Katara shuffled past her, panting heavily.

"What happened?" Avery cried and Katara took a few gulps of air before attempting to explain.

"Zuko...being nice...something fishy." But Zuko wasn't anywhere near...oh. Maybe _that's _what Lexi had planned for that Zuko costume she'd been saving.

"Nothing fishy about that!" Avery tried to sound convincing but it was hard to do when the man you were talking about was actually your best friend in poorly made costume. She left Katara to chase him/her but Lexi was probably long gone.

She entered the tent to see Aang and Toph sitting on the bench, as far away from one another as the bench allowed.

Improvising, Avery yelled, "Scoot!" and pushed Aang toward Toph. She guided some vines via waterbending over the pair, tying them to the bench.

"Avery!" they yelled, blushing furiously as they tried unsuccessfully to untangle themselves from under the vines.

"Oops, sorry my hand slipped!" Avery said innocently, then continued with her earlier mission; getting the parents to change the darn kid's name to Bob the Hobo.

_Another Tokka moment gone. _She though happily.

As it turned out, they didn't change Hope's name to Bob, which left Avery disgruntled. They left camp, Katara still thoroughly confused and Aang and Toph still blushing. Avery snuck away to exchange a word with Lexi before they trooped onward.

"Great job." whispered Lexi. "And a round of applause to Chito." Avery added. "I still wish those darn parents changed the darn kid's name to Bob."

"You and Bob, I swear.." Lexi laughed.

An hour or so later, Suki said, "I don't know why, but I feel like we have forgotten something."

"Yeah." the group looked around. Then Katara spotted something out of the ordinary. "Aren't we missing someone?" Katara asked.

Avery gasped. "Oh crap. Sokka!"

* * *

_(Somewhere else)_

"Avmph!" Sokka tried to yell past the flipflop in his mouth. "Avmph! Comph bach heph!" He struggled in the bubble gum.

_They always forget me._ He though sadly.

Suddenly he heard something from behind that sounded suspiciously like a power saw. He managed to turn his head to see a giant mole person driving the saw deep into the wood of his tree. The tree cracked with an earsplitting noise and slowly fell backwards. Sokka screamed as the mole person carried the tree away.


	6. Sokkas Master Ending Rewrite

**Disclaimer: Guess what! We don't own Avatar, or any Avatar Characters. But, Lexi, Avery (and even though he's not mentioned in this chapter) Chito belong to us, so no stealing or using them without permission!**

**Warnings: Sokka's role in this chapter is quite...shocking!**

* * *

"You'll never guess what I bought!" Lexi cheered in a sing-song voice, running closer to Avery, who was sitting on the grass peacefully. Avery jumped at the sound of Lexi's voice.

"Lexi! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Avery cried.

"Whatever," Lexi brushed away the comment, "Check out what I bought!" Lexi was waving around wildly a cardboard box with a fed-ex stamp on it.

"What is it?" Avery asked curiously.

"Guess."

"A hair dryer." Avery tried. Lexi shook her head. "A pickle jar opener?" Avery guessed again, more wildly. Again, Lexi shook her head no. "A blind hobo's box?" Avery was looking crazy with desperation.

Lexi, who was enjoying her friend's reactions very much, just shook her head for a third time. "WHAT THEN?" Instead of answering, Lexi opened the box carefully and reached inside it. She could scarcely imagine what Avery might think she'd pull out, as she dragged out—a collar. Avery appeared confused.

"It's a shock collar," Lexi announced triumphantly, taking out a matching remote with a big, shiny red button on it, "Just press this button here, and whoever _happens_ to be wearing this collar will get a small, yet painful shock." Avery still looked unimpressed as she peered behind Lexi skeptically.

"Did you buy a _dog_, Lexi?" she asked. Lexi rolled her eyes.

"No! With this collar, we can get rid of all our Tokka problems!" Aviery's whole face lit up. She didn't like anything better than preventing a Tokka moment—except perhaps stopping a Kataang moment. "You want to help me—uh—apply this collar?" Lexi asked evilly.

"Of course!"

* * *

Lexi placed the cream puff down tenderly, and then dashed to join Avery in the bushes just in the nick of time. Both girls had their hands clasped tightly over their mouths to keep from laughing as they heard heavy footsteps approaching. "Hello? What's this? A cream puff!" cried a giddy voice from the path. Lexi snickered a little, as she leaned forward as she readied her tranquilizer gun.

The bushes they'd chosen for a hiding place were just a little too thick, so Lexi had to completely trust her instinct when firing. She yanked back the trigger. A soft click was heard instantly, followed by a _pink_. Then came an, "Ow!" Someone collapsed on the other side of the shrubs.

"Quick, quick!" Avery commanded. Lexi yanked the shock collar out of her pocket and flew through the leaves, leaving Avery to scramble after her.

"Chill! He'll be out for a couple of minutes!" Lexi said, even though she was feeling anxious too. Sokka was lying on the dirt in an uncomfortable position, holding the cream puff possessively in his hand. The girls bound the shock collar around his neck in three seconds flat. "He'll never be able to get it off if we child lock it," Lexi stated, grinning wickedly. Avery smirked.

"He'll probably never even know it's there," she corrected her.

"True," Lexi shrugged. At just that moment, Sokka muttered something in a slightly awake way. "He's waking up! Run for it!" Both girls turned and bolted into the woods. "We'll have an opportunity to test it soon enough."

* * *

The next time they had to hide, Lexi made a point to pick out bushes that were not very thick. In fact, they were so thin they were practically see-through. But neither girl seemed to mind, as it just gave them an excuse to wear camouflage, which intensified the situation by a good hundred.

They were watching—watching as Sokka was standing by Toph. They were waiting for the perfect moment. And, much to their joy, nothing was particularly happening. Lexi had began to drift off into a sleep—"Lexi!" Lexi opened her eyes to a very frantic looking Avery.

"The remote!" Avery demanded. Lexi glanced over and strained her ears,

"—thought you might like this since—" Sokka was saying. Lexi whipped out the remote like her life depended on it and clicked the button, all in under a second.

"OUCH!" Sokka screamed, dropping a meteorite that he'd been holding in his hands. Lexi flipped the remote around and blew on it, like it was a gun and she'd just fired a shot. "What was that?" Sokka cried, forgetting the object he'd dropped and rubbing his arms as he winced in pain.

"Our work here is done," Avery announced. Lexi grinned, and followed Avery as she slipped back through the trees. "I swear! Something just hurt me—out of no where!" Sokka was trying to explain to his three friends in the background.

"Yeah—suuuure." Toph said mockingly.

* * *

**If you've read the Day of Black Sun Rewrite (Version 2) continue reading this Authors Note. If you haven't go read it right now and come back and read this later, or you'll get spoiled!**

**The Bait by Creampuff in this episode came about when the other author showed me her unfinished first version to the Day of Black Sun Rewrite V.2, up until the point when it says, 'A lollipop on a string'. I thought-for a long time before she finally corrected me-that the lollipop on a string was supposed to be some sort of bait. That would be the reason why she put the note at the bottom of the page that it wasn't bait; it was a hipnotic device.**


	7. Nightmares and Daydreams Rewrite

**Just for reference purposes, Avery and Lexi sometimes travel with the Gaang. But whenever they do, they use aliases and disguises.**

**Disclaimer: Wow, this is getting old. Yeah, yeah, we don't own Aang, Katara, the Avatar World, Avatar; the last airbender, none of that. EXCEPT Avery, Lexi, and Chito. Leave them alone please, they belong to us.**

**Warnings: I'm running out of cheesy jokes. Wait; I've got one more! Some may find this episode...dreamy.**

* * *

Lexi was wide awake; so awake that she'd just finished her new book 'How to Foil Daydreams for Dummies'. Avery had given it to her for her half birthday.

It was the middle of the night and Lexi probably should have been asleep. Chito was sleeping at the foot of her sleeping bag and Avery was sleeping lightly in her sleeping bag nearby—close enough that Lexi could easily poke her awake if she had a reason to.

Maybe she'd be able to sleep more soundly had she not been wearing a disguise (and a stupid wig, for pete's sake!) but without the disguise she would have never been able to infiltrate the Avatar Gang's camp. They would have never willingly let her stay with them had they known she was the very girl behind the strange occurrences that had been going on for the past year.

But then again, Avery was sleeping just fine with her wig on.

The entire Avatar crew was asleep in their sleeping bags as well, or they appeared to be asleep.

Lexi was so bored that she began reading the little text in the back of her book that no one really bothers to read when suddenly—out of the corner of her eye—she saw someone stand up and stumble away. Lexi put her book down just in time to determine that it was Aang. Lexi shrugged and turned back to her book. But as she did so, she noticed that something else was amiss. She looked around; and discovered that Katara wasn't in her sleeping bag where she was supposed to be! She was nowhere in sight, in fact.

Lexi gulped and in an instant, she flew out of her sleeping bag and followed the path that Aang had taken, her book in tow.

* * *

Dawn was just beginning to break when finally—finally Lexi caught up to him. He was walking up to a grassy cliff side, mumbling something or other. Lexi was so busy concentrating that it nearly startled her out of her mind when someone tapped on her shoulder from behind. She almost shrieked; until she saw it was Avery. "What are you doing here?" she murmured, looking down to see Chito at her friends feet.

"I saw you leave. Why didn't you wake me up? I want to ruin the Kataang fun, too!" Lexi shrugged, but then put a finger to her mouth to hush her friend. She pointed to Aang, who was staring off into space as he stood there like a statue.

"He's having a daydream!" Avery exclaimed, just a key louder than silently.

"How can you tell?" Lexi demanded, trying to keep her voice just as low. Avery gave her a strange look.

"Chapter Two: How to Tell if Someone is Having a Daydream," she said, tapping the cover of Lexi's book. Lexi stared at her, amazed. Avery rolled her eyes. "Did you forget who gave you that book?" she asked.

"So sue me."

"You'll hear from my lawyer first thing tomorrow."

"What's he daydreaming about?"

"Did you even read that book?" Avery asked in a pained voice, "Chapter Three: How to Tell What Someone is Daydreaming About." Lexi began flipping through the chapters.

"You know, when you give someone a gift, you aren't supposed to go through and read it first. That's just tacky." Avery didn't even grace that with a response. Lexi arrived at chapter three; and of course Avery was right. She read the passage aloud.

"_To tell what someone is daydreaming about, put the magic Daydreaming Charm around your neck_. What Daydreaming Charm?" Lexi felt confused.

"Keep reading."

"_You'll find the Daydreaming Charm in the envelope in the back of the book. Warning, this charm is to be kept out of the reach of children three and under. The publishers of this book will not be held responsible for any skin rash, severe fever, or kidney failure that this charm may cause_." Lexi, always the rebel, did not care about failing kidneys. She immediately checked the back of the book, only to find a manila envelope taped to the inside of the cover.

She tore it opened quickly and dumped out the contents. A small bright red pendent on a thin chain fell out into the palm of her hand.

"Quick; put it on! Put it on!" Avery urged. Lexi handed the book to her friend and slipped the necklace over her head. The picture of Aang standing alone on the cliff was replaced by an image of him standing next to Katara. Aang's daydream-self was walking zombie like up to Katara's daydream-self.

"Avery; read me the chapter on how to change a daydream!" Avery began flipping like mad through the book.

"Here! Chapter Three Hundred Ninety Four: How to Change Someone Else's Daydream to Anything You Desire.

_To change another's day dream; one must appease the daydream gods_,"

"They have those?" Lexi asked. Avery ignored her.

"_The daydream gods are very, very picky about the offerings that they accept, and only enjoy it when a human does a ceremonial dance_."

"You're kidding," Lexi grumped.

"Nope, it says so right here." Avery lifted the book up to show her. There were even diagrams of the dance inscribed on the page below. Lexi hadn't paid them attention when she'd read through the book before—she never thought that knowing how to dance like that would come in handy. But now it was a necessity.

The first pose was standing in a straight line with both hands out in front of her; palms down. Lexi assumed it. "Now flip your first palm over," Avery instructed, "now the other one."

The next step was to fold each arm so her hand was across her chest and resting on her shoulder. Then one at a time, she uncrossed her arms and placed them on either ear. From there, she crossed them across her stomach. Then, she put them on her hips. "Now wiggle! Wiggle like you have a secret!" Avery cried.

Lexi wiggled frantically as she watched Aang make the worst pick up line she'd ever heard in her life; and that was saying a lot. "Baby, you're my forever girl."

"I'm wiggling, you stupid daydream gods! I'm wiggling so help me!"

"Forget it!" Before Lexi even could comprehend what was happening, Avery crouched down and pounced, sort of like Chito did when he spotted a butterfly or banana. The girl went sailing through the air as Aang grabbed day-dream-Katara and swung her in to kiss her. Not that Avery could see what was happening, but it was a good thing she did what she did. Just as Aang and day-dream-Katara's lips were about to meet, Avery struck. Her shoulder dug into the stomach of Aang and as the two of them tumbled to the ground, the day dream vanished.

"Sweet!" Lexi declared.

"Lee—what the?" Aang hollered. Avery and Lexi were both going by the 'undercover name' of Lee. Because someone told them that there were a million Lees out there.

In the mean time, Avery sat on top of him the way a quarterback would sit on top of a football player on the opposing team.

"Lex-Lee and I figured out our own way to help you with your daydreaming problem," Avery said, thinking quickly.

"Daydream? It wasn't a day—" the kid looked around dejectedly, realizing his kiss had all been an illusion. In the mean time, Katara came running.

"You guys what the heck is going on?" She probably hadn't seen anything; except Avery sitting on Aang and Lexi wearing a giant, unfashionable charm.

"We've solved the daydreaming problem," Avery stated, finally releasing Aang. Lexi hid her charm behind her back; and then dropped it to the ground.

"Feel free to pay in cash or write a check."

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**Bonus Challenge Round:**

**You get bonus points if you caught the earlier Avatar episode reference in this chapter.**

**You get double bonus points if you caught the She's The Man reference in this chapter.**


	8. Day of Black Sun Rewrite Version 1

**The Day of Black Sun Part 1:**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. We do not own Avatar, but we do own Avery, Lexi, and Chito. No stealing please.**

**Warnings: Katara and Toph get _wrapped up_ in their new pairings.**

* * *

Avery and Lexi peered out of the entrance.. Aang and Katara stood on the top of the metal submarine.

"Oh crap, I can't believe he's gonna kiss her! What a nerd." Avery hissed angrily, the Zutarian inside of her waking up.

"I know, he obviously can't see how she towers over him. But that is why we have our plan. So, you remember what you're supposed to do, right?" Lexi asked her friend.

Avery nodded, the excitement of crushing Kataang once and for all bubbling inside of her. She hoisted up a certain blind earth bender, who was tied up and gagged with vines.

"Don't worry, Toph, you will be released soon, as well as your weird crush on Sokka terminated." Avery soothed. Toph's eyes narrowed, glowing with anger.

"Avery, Aang is making his move!" Lexi hissed, bringing her back to the topic on hand.

"Right. You do your part and I'll do mine." Lexi nodded and ran toward Katara, a pack of bubble gum in her hands.

Avery meanwhile dragged Toph to where the Avatar stood, his lips pursed as if he was about to kiss. Lexi had tied Katara up with the bubble gum and pulled her away. Avery placed a furious Toph a few feet away from Aang. He paused in midair, obviously wondering where his Waterbender had gone. His eyelids flickered, as if he was about to open his eyes.

"No Aang don't open your eyes! Just come a little closer." Avery cried, trying to make her voice as nagging and motherly as she could.

Aang shrugged and stepped forward. Avery quickly released the vines from around Toph with a quick, "Have fun." and moved away toward her friend. Before Toph could take another step she found herself kissing Aang. Lexi had tied Katara to a giant stick and Avery helped her hoist it up to hang between them.

Aang pulled away to find himself not looking at Katara but at Toph. He stepped back slightly, shocked, but feeling oddly relieved. Toph was blushing, all of the anger that had been there before turned into surprise. The two Kataang-destroyers smiled as the couple hugged.

"Our work here is done." Avery said happily.

"Not yet. We have to take this bubblegum-girl to a certain someone, then our work is done." Lexi reminded."

"Oh yeah, I completely forgot. Let's get going!" they began their trek to a certain Fire Prince's room, a note written to dump his emo girlfriend in their clutches.

* * *

**Authors Note: (What did the note say? Well, it said something like this)**

_**Dear Blob,**_

_**WE'RE THROUGH!**_

_**Signed,**_

_**Zuko**_


	9. Day of Black Sun Rewrite Version 2

**Day of Black Sun Version 2**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Avatar, as usual. We do own Lexi, Avery, and the one and only Chito! No stealing them, please.**

**Warnings: Thanks to Avrey Katara starts to think..._little_...of Aang. **

* * *

"Hey Katara, can I talk to you?" Aang's voice reverberated through the metal submarine.

"Sure Aang." answered Katara, following the monk onto the top.

"Crimeny!" Avery cursed (Crimeny is a curse word in Avery's mind). She ran after the Waterbender and caught her before she reached the stairs.

"One sec, Katara, I need to talk to you before Baldy does." she said, dragging her down the hallway to a door. "Why Avery?" Katara questioned.

She said nothing. Lexi stood in front of a chair that sat in the center of the room. She held a lollipop on a string.

Avery set Katara in the chair and whispered, "Now just relax and don't say a word." Lexi began to swing the lollipop in front of Katara's blue eyes.

"Youu areee geeetting sleeeepppy…" she said in a hypnotic whisper, "Youu aree getting sleeppppy…."

Avery threw her an odd look. "Why are you doing that?"

Lexi shrugged. "It was in that 'Hypnotisim for Dummies' book you gave me for Christmas." Avery had to hide a laugh; she loved those books. Katara's eyes had drooped considerably, and as Lexi continued in the strange ritual, she began to snore softly.

"Bingo." Avery murmured excitedly.

Lexi and Avery then began to instruct Katara in what to do.

* * *

The two girls hurried out of the room seconds after the hypnotized Katara had. They ran in search of Toph and Sokka, not wanting them to miss the show.

"This is brilliant!" Avery said.

"I know! This will definitely stop Kataang once and for all!" Lexi laughed evilly and Avery joined in. They suddenly spotted the two kids down the hall.

"Sokka, Toph, come here!" Lexi yelled before they caught up to them.

"Why?" Sokka began.

"Just come, you're going to want to see this!" replied Avery and they dragged the two down the hall and to the deck.

* * *

Aang and Katara stood there, blabbing on and on about mushy Kataangy stuff. "I wish I brought earplugs with me." Lexi grumbled.

Then, when Aang swooped in to kiss Katara, she shoved him away and yelled, "Too bad, Shawty!" (Shawty equals cooler way of saying Shorty) "I don't love you, I love Zuko! You and Toph should get together." She pushed the astonished two toward each other. Aang looked surprised and sad at the sudden outburst. "I'm not a Shawty." he defended weakly.

"Yes!" Lexi and Avery said as Katara stormed off.

Sokka looked shocked, "What was that about?" he asked. The trouble-makers shrugged innocently.

"But Katara!" Aang yelled, running after her.

"We can't let him get away!" Lexi whispered. Before either of them could stop the short one, he slipped on a banana peel.

"Huh?" They saw Chito come up to them, licking his lips. "Mew?" he said innocently.

"Good boy Chito!" Lexi congratulated as Avery fetched Aang from the ground. "Forget about her." she whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Aang said sadly. The Gaang filed back inside, Katara looking furious, Aang holding his head where it had made contact with the floor, and Avery and Lexi congratulating each other and Chito for their accomplishment. _Kataang is over! _they both though happily.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**You may be confused at why there are two DOBS rewrites. Both of them were funny, and I couldn't decide, so I posted both of them. I hope you enjoyed this rewrite! By the way, the lollipop on a string is not bait to get Katara into the room, unlike Sokka's cream puff! It is Lexi's hypnotizing device.**

**And, do you remember "Aunt Wu" cough cough Lexi cough cough 's prediction in the first episode?**


	10. Who are Avery and Lexi?

Lexi and Avirey are two girls (sisters) created for a fan fiction. Their purpose isn't to participate in the plot of the series in any way. They are more or less personal little slaves who do nothing else except alter romantic moments in the show. They aren't really friends with the rest of the cast but are sometimes portrayed as traveling with them because it makes their job easier. For the most part, they just interact with each other.

Both of the girls are benders, though we tried to make them do their bidding with as little bending as possible.

**Avirey:**

Avirey is the more aggressive sister. She prefers to take action. She was originally an airbender, but in this story she ends up as more of a waterbender. (Usually she bends plants with her waterbending).

**Lexi:**

Lexi is bossy and controlling, and more manipulative then her sister. She is usually the one coming up with the harebrained schemes. But not always. Technically an earthbender, although due to typos some moments in the story may portray her as fire, which she was in her original character design.

**Chito:**

Chito was rescued from a traveling pet store by Lexi, so he started following the girls. Chito is more of a companion then a pet, and an active third character in a fight of the pairings. He loves bananas.

**Episode Rewrites:**

The purpose of this story is just to show how we, as authors, would have liked to see the AtLA romantic moments go down. We just stuck in our slaves to do the bidding.

**Oh, by the way, there are two authors to these Episode rewrites. You can tell who's writing which ones because we both spell Avirey differently.**

**We've been told that they're kind of Mary-Sueish but since the stories are more for humor purposes than anything else, we hope that's okay.**


End file.
